if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
