it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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