In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
