Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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