i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
