Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
