I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
