I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
