my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
