no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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