so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
