The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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