ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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