i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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