She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
