I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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