escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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