guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
