If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
