When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
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