With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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