he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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