there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
