Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
