I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
