I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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