She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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