It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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