He felt like a one man threesome
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
