Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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