My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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