You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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