I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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