No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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