There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my sisters under your porch take her home
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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