Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
