Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
