U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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