Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
