Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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