I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
