I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
