The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
