I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
