I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
