Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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