She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
