Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
