I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
