On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
