what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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