12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
