you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
