I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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