Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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