I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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