She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How external is "for external use only"?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
