i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
