is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
