so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
