i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
