Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
