If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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