I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Don't EVER smell your tampon
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
