She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
