Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
40s are totally the cure
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
